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What
to
Do When Your Mate Will Not!
51
suffering in marriage. At the least little problem, the threat
of divorce is wheeled out. Our society has made divorce an
easy option-a parachute out of marital problems.
But is divorce really that parachute?
Think About the Children
What a pity that grown-ups often fail
to
consider the
children. The children of a divorced couple go through pain–
emotional, mental and even physical pain.
Parents-when you are more than one-are the child's
whole world. When you break up, you are breaking up the
world of your child. You are shattering your child's emotional
security. The child feels abandoned, frightened and insecure
about the future. A child's loyalty is tom between two parents
who think they love that child very much.
You need
to
think about the hurt you inflict upon your
children in your quest to get out of the "hurt" you feel in your
marriage. Is your happiness more important than that of
your children? After all, they did not make you get married–
they did not ask to be born. But now they are asking you to
give them a whole family to grow up in. And it is still in your
power to give them the whole family they desire and need.
Children are half of you and half of your mate, and they
need both of you to reach their full potential. Fractured
families produce fractured children. Alone after a divorce,
you cannot give them what they need-you cannot be both
father and mother.
Now you may be thinking, "Isn't it better for my children
to live with me in peace than with both of us in war?''
That's not necessarily so!
Research now shows that, except in cases of extreme
child abuse, children are better off in a home of discord where
both parents live than in a divorced home with one parent.
According to Dr. Archibald Hart, a clinical psychologist and
author of the book
Children of Divorce,
less than 10 percent
of children surveyed felt that the divorce of their parents
helped their lives. In fact, it generally made it worse.
Now you may not have children
to
think about. So, will
divorce make your life happier? Probably not. Why not?
Because you may be half of the problem and you cannot